Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
