Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
