Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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