so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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