ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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