she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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