i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
