I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
