Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
