Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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