Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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