Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
