ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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