Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
