In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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