apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
