I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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