1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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