Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
