Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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