How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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