I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
