The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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