That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He shit in the fireplace
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
