His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
