Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
