I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
