hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
