i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
