I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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