if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
