she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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