Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
