gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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