Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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