i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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