how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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