Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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