phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
