I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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