dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
