She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
