you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
