im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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