hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
