erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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