my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i came on her dog
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
