She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
