im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
