herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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