i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
