Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
