meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
