I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
