I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
