You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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