dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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