I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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