I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
