that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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