Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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