ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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