There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
