Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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