I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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