one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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