I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
