oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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