It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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