i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
