I will die if light touches me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
