Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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