P.S. I can't hear my feet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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