you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
