College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
